The Truth About What Dating Is Like When You’re HIV-Positive

It’s kind of interesting in the gay community that we went through so much profiling in our history and yet we are the first to profile our peers.

Your initial reaction when you found out you where HIV positive, was that I was never ever going to have sex again, I was never gonna be in a relationship again, it just was basically over. And that lasted for quite a while.

– I didn’t know what to do, where to turn, I didn’t think I was ever gonna be worth dating after being HIV positive.


– It happened.

But I didn’t go through the stress or the angst that many people experience,that many of my friends that have become positive have experienced.

I attended my first leather event and I found out that the leather community is very open and accepting of people that are positive.

I got a lot of really rude, nasty messages online from people with no profile pictures, no way to identify who they were, just saying that I’m giving people AIDS on purpose or that I am infecting people, that I’m going to die, that I deserve it because I’m sexually free, or sexually liberated, so I deserve it, that I’m a slut.

– On some of these dating sites they use a phrase when they’re looking for a certain person, they’ll say you must be clean, so I’m being profiled as being a dirty person because I’m HIV positive, which is farthest from the truth.

So there’s a stigma there for sure. It actually really sucks, for instance, on Grindr I’ve been blocked when I’ve been open and honest.

They solely look at your diagnosis, categorize you, like most of us do in America, put you in a box, and then kind of shove you off to the side. I was able to have some relationships as far as being physical with guys again, but the boyfriend thing never happened. I’ve been single since the 80s.

– To me being HIV positive,I don’t really notice it.

It’s just something that is part of me, but I don’t think about it, I take a pill at night, and besides going to a doctor every three months to do my blood work,it’s really a non-issue for me, it doesn’t affect my life.

– To those of you who won’t open up your heart and date someone who is HIV positive, you need to open a book or go to a website just like I did. With the advent of better medications for the last eight to 10 years, I’ve been undetectable,which means that it’s almost impossible for me to pass on the virus.

So with my undetectable status and condoms and prep, that’s just a triple layer of protection.

People are definitely missing out if they are closing themselves off from anybody who is positive, or black, Asian, or feminine. You never know what a person has inside of them and how he will surprise you if you actually give him a chance and get to know him.

You are truly missing out if you are not meeting somebody just because of a checklist on his profile.

Positive individuals taking  HIV medication may become “Undetectable”, meaning the virus can’t be found with a blood test.  The chances an Undetectable individual infecting someone are very low, between 4% and 0%

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