I am going to talk a little bit about our bedroom habits for couples because it is relevant and uh, I’m keeping it clean.
I’m just talking about sleeping.
What else do you do in a bedroom? Jovial Canary wanted to know something that I’ve, I’ve actually thought about before.
‘Is it bad for couples to sleep in different beds? I know it could be bad if they sleep separately whenever they fight, but what if they just sleep better separately?’ As far as Professor Boyfriend and I go, and I really should start calling him Professor Fiancee because that’s his proper title, I know this for a fact from him, we both sleep better together than we do separately.
The idea of sleeping in a separate bedroom would be strange for our relationship but it’s actually a lot more common than I thought.
The most commonly cited statistic for sleeping separately comes from a 2004 survey from the National Sleep Foundation which found that 23% of respondents who were married or were in cohabiting relationships slept separately on a regular basis.
The number one culprit: Snoring.
Then other things like having different night time schedules, if someone is a reader while someone is a TV watcher, or someone has say restless leg syndrome or other things that can make it hard for two people to share not only a bed but also a bedroom.
Due to all these practical reasons for sleeping apart, a woman has created a blog called ‘Sleeping apart, not falling apart’, to advocate on behalf of people like her who intentionally sleep separately from their spouse for the betterment of their relationship.
If you’re sleep deprived, obviously you aren’t too happy or chipper and it’s harder for you to deal with conflict resolution.
You are just generally unpleasant and that can absolutely take a toll on relationships, not that I’ve ever had to deal with that.
To Jovial Canary’s question of whether it’s bad for a relationship to sleep apart, I think it has to do with why you’re sleeping apart. If you’re sleeping apart as couples because you really don’t want to be that close to that person and you need some space all the time, then hah, yeah probably not a good sign.
But! If the other person snores all the time for instance and you get better sleep on the couch or in another bedroom or on the floor, in the kitchen, I don’t know where you like to sleep, it’s probably fine, as long as you don’t have to be in your bedroom at night, during sleep hours in order to have sex.
I think that is our biggest conceptual hangup with this idea of intentionally sleeping separately because culturally we associate the bedroom and the bed and sex together to the point that on the show ‘I Love Lucy’ Lucy and Desi slept in separate beds because the, the, the TV code at the time was like, ohho ho, you don’t show two people in bed at the same time.
No that implies sex.
By that same token there’s this assumption that couples who sleep in separate beds must have a less intimate, colder, less sexual relationship, which as some people like sleeping apart,not falling apart lady would say, that’s not really the truth.
I think it was this woman who told a writer for ‘The Daily Beast’ we just umm, don’t have sex in our bed.
Justin Baldwin said, ‘I think clear and explicit consent should be taught to young people in sex ed.
I believe that in sexual situations, both parties need to have a lucid understanding of what will happen because body language and assumptions sometimes aren’t enough.
I really sincerely appreciate your input as well.
Cause y’all there is a lot going on in our bedroom, so if there is anything bedroom related that you want me to research, let me know in the comments below and also what do you think about sleeping separately, do you think it’s bad or good?